Laurie.

it was in the room that is now Gavin's, when it was a guest room that i woke up in a place id escape to.
I had walked down the street, in the dark, barefoot, crying because i had lost my best friend. it started then.
but i remember when i could first drive i would go down I-10 over and over, to bryce's games, to play with him. i cannot explain what you are to me. all of my family stood and held me up. you took the liberty, you gave the energy to give me stability and structure.

i had no idea what to do.

i feel that in some way your baby sister did go.
and i could only be happy to take her place, feeling like "how lucky am i to be in this family".
you didnt just give me a place to live.
with all of the things you carried, you carried me.
you gave all of your heart into all my heartache, pain, and you stood behind me; stayed up with me at night. and i remember though we are the same size, you picked me up and carried me to the car to the emergency room.
and right then, right in that exact moment i knew God named you. i knew, then, that you were my family, my relentless family, my heart, my blood, but more than anything my savior. i dont know if you know this, but out of all my angels you are my greatest one. you are the nights i fall asleep, you are when i dream, you are the days i do not struggle, you are the day when i am old and grey; you are why i will be old and grey.
and i cannot tell you what that means, or how you've had the ability to give it. and how my nephews healed me.you are the nights that i sleep, you are the bias that i need, you are my laughter, you are the strength inside of me. you are why i am learning, and growing, and alive. thank you.
-b